Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
