Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
