May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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