Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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