I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
