How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
