my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
