I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
