Me too!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
