dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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