On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize