I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
