I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
