You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Found the puke drawer
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
