even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
