put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
