Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
