Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
