my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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