i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
