There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
