Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
