I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
