For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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