All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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