One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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