This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
