Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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