if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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