it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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