We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
BRING THE BAGELS
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
