sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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