im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
