Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
