i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
