I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
