His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
