Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
