i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
