someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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