I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
