So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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