the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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