Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
