shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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