we're blogging at a bar
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
