Jerry, you need to find god
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize