U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
