Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
operation harelip BJ is a go
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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