thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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