My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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