so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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