Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My hand turned me down
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
