She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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