Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
