I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
