This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
