I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
