i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
