Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I didn't shave. On purpose
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
