Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
