eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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